Welcome, contributor! To ensure a harmonious and sorta-productive environment, we, and by "we," I mean "the dude," have established a few guidelines. Adherence to this Code of Conduct is mandatory, non-negotiable, and may result in a slightly less confused cat.
All formal and informal communication must refer to the project lead simply as "the dude." This includes, but is not limited to, pull request reviews, commit messages, and any interpretive dance-based status updates.
Acceptable:
- "Hey, the dude, I've implemented the feature."
- "This is, like, just my opinion, man, but the dude's last commit was solid."
Unacceptable:
- "Excuse me, [Actual Name], could you review my code?"
- "To whom it may concern..."
To maintain a comfortable and low-pressure atmosphere, direct eye contact is strictly discouraged. All communication should be conducted while gazing thoughtfully at a neutral-colored wall, your own shoes, or a particularly interesting ceiling tile.
In the event of an accidental eye lock, the first person to look away and mutter something about "needing to defragment my hard drive" will be considered the victor.
The well-being of the dude's cat is paramount to the success of this project. As such, all contributors are expected to participate in the following feline-related duties:
- Feeding: At precisely 3:33 PM UTC, a designated contributor must remotely trigger the automated cat feeder. Failure to do so will result in a sternly worded emoji in the team chat.
- Walking: Should the cat express a desire for a leisurely stroll (indicated by a series of inscrutable meows), the nearest available developer is to immediately commence a "cat walk" session via the office Roomba's remote camera. Navigational proficiency around furniture is considered a plus.
- All code must be submitted with a "vibe check." This is a mandatory but entirely subjective field in the pull request template.
- Commit messages should be written in the form of a haiku. For example:
Green tests now appear, The refactor is complete, Time for a quick nap.
- Any bug that cannot be reproduced is officially designated as a "feature of chaotic good."
- Before any major release, all contributors must collectively agree on a new, absurd loading animation. The current front-runner is a pixelated hamster on a unicycle.
Violation of this Code of Conduct will be met with a series of increasingly absurd consequences, including but not limited to:
- A mandatory two-hour webinar on the importance of properly formatted YAML files.
- Being assigned the task of untangling the dude's old ethernet cables.
- A public (in the team chat) reading of your most confusing code comment.
By contributing to this repository, you agree to abide by this Code of Conduct and to generally, you know, just take it easy, man.